Bài Ai điếu Bà Vợ Góa nhà thơ
Mandelstam của Brodsky, lần đầu ra
mắt độc giả, March 5, 1981:
Tôi [Brodsky]
gặp bà lần
chót vào
bữa 30 tháng Năm, 1972, tại nhà bếp của bà, tại Moscow. Lúc đó cũng xế
chiều,
và bà ngồi, hút thuốc, tại một góc bếp, trong bóng tối của cái tủ đựng
chén dĩa
in đậm lên tường. Đậm đến nỗi, người ta chỉ nhìn thấy đốm đỏ của điếu
thuốc, và
hai con mắt sáng rực của bà. Cái còn lại - một thân hình mỏng manh, run
rẩy
dưới chiếc khăn choàng, đôi cánh tay, khuôn mặt bầu dục nhợt nhạt, mái
tóc xám
mầu tro, tất cả đều bị bóng tối nuốt sạch. Bà giống như chút còn lại
của một
đám lửa lớn, đốm than hồng làm bạn bỏng tay, nếu đụng vô.
It's the
possession of this prism supplied to her by the best Russian poetry of
the
twentieth century, and not the uniqueness of the size of her grief,
that makes
Nadezhda Mandelstam's statement about her piece of reality
unchallengeable.
It's an abominable fallacy that suffering makes for greater art.
Suffering
blinds deafens, ruins, and often kills. Osip Mandelstam was a great
poet before
the revolution. So was Anna Akhmatova, so was Marina Tsvetaeva. They
would have
become what they became even if none of the historical events that
befell
Russia in this century had taken place: because they were gifted.
Basically, talent doesn't need history.
Would Nadezhda Mandelstam have become what she
became had it not been for the Revolution and all the rest that
followed?
Probably not, for she met her future husband in 1919. But the question
itself
is immaterial; it leads us into the murky domains of the law of
probability and
of historical determinism. After all, she became what she became not
because of
what took place in Russia in this century but rather in spite of it. A
casuist's finger will surely point out that from the point of view of
historical determinism "in spite of is synonymous with
'"because." So much then for historical determinism, if it gets so
mindful
about the semantics of some human "in spite of."
Chính vì sở hữu một lăng kính
như thế – nó đã được trao cho bà, bởi nền thi ca số một của thế kỷ 20
của Nga, chứ không phải do tầm vóc nỗi đau duy nhất mà bà đã chịu đựng
- khiến cho khẳng định của bà về thực tại, là không thể nói ngược
lại được.Thật là một giả tưởng quái đản, khi cho rằng có đau khổ mới có
nghệ thuật lớn. Đau khổ làm cho người ta mù lòa, điếc lác, tàn hại, và
thường khi, sát nhân. Osip Mandelstam là nhà thơ vĩ đại “trước” cách
mạng. Cũng vậy, là Akhmatova. Cũng vậy, là Marina Tsvetaeva. Họ sẽ vẫn
là họ, đếch cần đến cái cuộc cách mạng đó, đếch cần dù chỉ một biến cố
lịch sử đó giáng lên đầu dân Nga: Bởi vì họ là thiên bẩm. Cơ bản mà nói, tài năng
đếch cần lịch sử.
Liệu Nadezhda Mandelstam trở thành như là bà bây giờ, là do Cách Mạng,
và tất cả những gì tiếp theo sau nó? Có lẽ không phải như vậy, bởi vì
bà gặp người chồng của mình vào năm 1910. Nhưng một câu hỏi như thế, tự
thân nó, là không thích hợp; nó dẫn chúng ta tới những vùng đất mờ ảo,
của trò xác xuất - rằng chuyện như thế có thể xẩy ra - và tới thuyết
tất định về lịch sử. Nói cho cùng, bà trở thành như bà ngày nay, không
phải bởi vì những gì đã xẩy ra ở Nga, trong thế kỷ này, mà đúng ra là,
bất chấp những chuyện đó. Ngón tay trỏ của một tên ngụy biện chắc hẳn
sẽ vạch ra rằng, theo quan điểm của thuyết tất định lịch sử, thì "bất
chấp" đồng nghĩa với "bởi vì". Rút cục ra, tất định thuyết về lịch sử
thì cũng chỉ có vậy, nhưng ví bằng, nó quan tâm một tí, tới “cái gọi là
con người”, nằm ở trong ngữ nghĩa của từ 'bất chấp'...".
Ai
điếu như thế, chứ có đâu như Xứ Mít! (1)
Tuyển tập tiểu
luận 30 năm của NYRB, GCC mua ngay ngày hôm sau, khi từ Cali trở về,
kịp làm
sao, đúng cái hẹn thử “tai nghe”, hearing, của bịnh viện.
Tại tiệm sách
cũ quen thuộc, Gấu đã từng lèm bèm nhiều lần, kế cái trung tâm tạm trú
đầu tiên,
khi vừa tới Xứ Lạnh từ Trại Tị Nạn.
Cũng là nơi
gặp lại cô bạn, sau bao nhiêu năm trời xa cách.
Hai trở ngại
lớn, hai đại họa đúng hơn, với GCC, lần đi xa dối già này, là tai và
răng. Răng
còn đúng 1 cái. Lũ bạn khốn nạn cười khả ố, nè, có dám hôn em, với chỉ
1 cái răng
không đấy?
(1)
Thanh
Tâm Tuyền, căn gác xép ám khói ở toà soạn Dân Chủ, hắn hỏi xin một điếu
thuốc
và tôi tưởng hắn là thợ sắp chữ.
Khi
viết những dòng trên, MT đinh ninh VC đã làm thịt TTT!
Y chang những dòng VP viết về nhóm Sáng Tạo trong VHTQ
Còn
đây là ai điếu của TTT, cho bạn mình:
Mai Thảo gửi
tới chúng tôi Đêm Giã Từ Hànội.
Tôi nhận được
một bao thư dầy cộm, không địa chỉ người gửi, trong đựng xấp bản thảo
đánh máy.
Bút hiệu Mai Thảo hoàn toàn xa lạ với tôi.
Liếc nhìn
dòng chữ đầu tiên của bài gửi, tôi giật mình kinh ngạc:
Phượng nhìn
xuống vực thẳm: Hànội ở dưới ấy.
Câu trích đề
của truyện đột ngột khác thường. Nó không trích ra từ một tác phẩm khác
đã có.
Nó như tự trên trời rớt xuống, hay nói như Mai Thảo là câu “bắt được
của trời”.
Cái chiều sâu của nó làm chóng mặt.
Tưởng nên nhắc
nhớ rằng ẩn dụ “vực thẳm”, cứ theo chỗ tôi biết, cho đến lúc bấy giờ
chưa thấy
được dùng trong văn chương Việt Nam. Phải đợi vài năm sau, khi Phạm
Công Thiện
xuất hiện với ảnh hưởng của Nietzsche, văn từ “hố thẳm” mới tràn lan và
trở
thành sáo ngữ.
Đọc hết truyện
thì rõ câu trích đề là một câu ở trong truyện. Phượng là tên nhân vật.
*
Đây là một
truyện không cốt truyện.
Sự hấp dẫn bắt
đọc là ở lời, giọng kể, ở ma lực của tiếng nói bắt lắng nghe – theo
bước di
chuyển của nhân vật giữa thành phố bỏ ngỏ trong đêm, sự vật ẩn hiện nổi
chìm
trong giấc kín bưng triền miên của chúng - , ở sự dồn đẩy khôn ngưôi
của chữ
nghĩa tưởng chừng không sao dứt tạo thành những vận tiết mê mải tới
chốn nhòa tắt
mọi tiếng.
Gọi Đêm Giã
Từ Hànội là truyện hay tùy bút đều được.
Cứ theo ký ức cùng cảm thức của riêng tôi, trong và sau khi đọc, thì đó
là một
bài thơ. Thơ là thứ tiếng nói tàng ẩn trong quên lãng bất chợt vẳng
dội, đòi được
nghe lại (nghĩa là đọc lại, lập lại). Người ta nghĩ đến một truyện
ngắn, một
bài tùy bút, một quyển tiểu thuyết đã đọc, nhưng người ta nhớ đồng thời
nghe và
gặp lại một câu thơ, một bài thơ.
Đêm Giã Từ
Hà Nội là một bài thơ thỉnh thoảng vẫn vẳng dội trong tôi mà tôi không
thể nhớ
toàn vẹn - tỷ như lúc này đang viết đây tôi không cách nào tìm đọc bài
thơ ấy
trừ cách tưởng tượng dựa vào ý ức và cảm thức còn sót đọng, trừ câu
trích đề.
*
Nhớ trong buổi
họp kiểm bài vở trước khi chuyển xuống nhà in, tôi đã không thể ngăn
nổi mình
yêu cầu các anh Hiệp, Sỹ, Tế nghe tôi đọc Đêm Giã Từ Hànội đăng trọn
trong một
kỳ báo, không cần lời giới thiệu. Và tôi đọc say sưa, hùng hồn liên
hồi. Và các
anh chịu khó ngồi nghe trên căn gác lửng tối chật của tòa báo. Anh Tế
kết thúc
buổi họp nói đùa "Anh làm chúng tôi mất cái thú tự mình khám phá".
Năm di cư thứ
hai mươi [1974], khi viết bài Tử Địa, nghĩ đến những đứa con tư sinh
của đất Bắc
ở cả hai miền lúc ấy, tôi đã mở bài bằng câu trích đề của Anh, tuyên
xưng nó là
câu văn bất hủ. [Người ta có thể nghĩ tôi quá lời, sử dụng "ngoa
ngôn". Nabokov còn "ngoa" hơn nhiều khi ông bảo: "Cả sự
nghiệp của triều đại Sa Hoàng Đại Đế sánh không bằng nửa vần thơ của
Pushkin."]
Khi từ Phú
Thọ ra, ghé lại Hànội chờ tầu về Nam, lúc chiều tối đứng trên ga Hàng
Cỏ, trông
xuống phố Hàng Lọng, phố Trần Hưng Đạo sâu hoắm bóng đêm rét lạnh của
một ngày
cuối năm, tôi thầm nhắc thành tiếng bên tai "... Nhìn xuống vực thẳm...
dưới
ấy..", câu của anh vẳng ngân như là một câu thơ. [Câu văn là một câu
gắn
liền trong mạch văn, tách ra khỏi mạch không ít thì nhiều cũng bất
toàn. Câu
thơ tách ra khỏi mạch vẫn tự đầy đủ, tự lập trên cái nền thiếu vắng nó
gợi nhắc].
*
Đăng bài
Anh, tôi viết lời nhắn mời anh đến chơi tòa soạn. Mai Thảo đến.
Chúng tôi
thân thiết nhau ngay từ buổi gặp gỡ ấy.
Good Night,
Sweet Prince!
Hamlet – Shakespeare.
Chúc Người
An Giấc, Công Tử của Lòng Ta.
Thanh
Tâm Tuyền
2-98
Nadezhda
Mandelstam
(1899-1980)
An
Obituary
Of
the eighty-one years of her life, Nadezhda Mandelstam
spent nineteen as the wife of Russia's
greatest poet in this century, Osip Mandelstam, and forty-two as his
widow. The
rest was childhood and youth. In educated circles, especially among the
literati, being the widow of a great man is enough to provide an
identity. This
is especially so in Russia, where in the thirties and in the forties
the regime
was producing writers' widows with such efficiency that in the middle
of the
sixties there were enough of them around to organize a trade union.
"Nadya is the most fortunate widow," Anna Akhmatova
used to
say, having in mind the universal recognition coming to Osip Mandelstam
at
about that time. The focus of this remark was, understandably, her
fellow poet,
and right though she was, this was the view from the outside. By the
time this
recognition began to arrive, Mme Mandelstam was already in her sixties,
her
health extremely precarious and her means meager. Besides, for all the
universality of that recognition, it did not include the fabled
"one-sixth
of the entire planet," i.e., Russia
itself. Behind her were already, two decades of widowhood, utter
deprivation
the Great (obliterating any personal loss) War, and the daily fear of
being
grabbed by the agents of State Security as a wife of an enemy of the
people.
Short of death, anything that followed could mean only respite.
I met her for the first time precisely then, in
the winter
of 1962, in the city of Pskov,
where together with a couple of friends I went to take a look at the
local
churches (the finest, in my view, in the empire). Having learned about
our
intentions to travel to that city, Anna Akhmatova suggested we visit
Nadezhda
Mandelstam, who was teaching English at the local pedagogical
institute, and
gave us several books for her. That was the first time I heard her
name: I didn
t know that she existed.
She
was living in a small communal apartment consisting of
two rooms. The first room was occupied by a woman whose name,
ironically
enough, was Nyetsvetaeva (literal Non-Tsvetaeva), the second was Mme
Mandelstam
s. It was eight square meters large, the size of an average American
bathroom.
Most of the space was taken up by a cast-iron twin-sized bed; there
were also
two wicker chairs, a wardrobe chest with a small mirror, and an
all-purpose
bedside table, on which sat plates with the leftovers of her supper and
next to
the plates, an open paperback copy of The Hedgehog and the Fox, by
Isaiah
Berlin The presence of this red-covered book in this tiny cell, and the
tact
that she didn't hide it under the pillow at the sound of the doorbell,
meant
precisely this: the beginning of respite.
The
book, as it turned out, was sent to her by Akhmatova who
for nearly half the century remained the closest friend of the
Mandelstams:
first of both of them, later of Nadezhda alone. Twice a widow herself
(her
first husband, the poet Nikolai Gumilyov, was shot in 1921 by the
Cheka—the
maiden name of the KGB; the second, the art historian Nikolai Punin,
died in a
concentration camp belonging to the same establishment), Akhmatova
helped
Nadezhda Mandelstam in every way possible, and during the war years
literally
saved her life by smuggling Nadezhda into Tashkent, where some of the
writers
had been evacuated, and by sharing with her the daily rations. Even
with her
two husbands killed by the regime, with her son languishing in the
camps for
eighteen years, Akhmatova was somewhat better off than Nadezhda
Mandelstam, if
only because she was recognized, however reluctantly, as a writer, and
was
allowed to live in Leningrad and Moscow. For the wife of an enemy of
the people
big cities were simply off limits.
For
decades this woman was on the run, darting through the
back waters and provincial towns of the big empire, settling down in a
new
place only to take off at the first sign of danger. The status of
nonperson
gradually became her second nature. She was a small woman, of slim
build, and
with the passage of years she shriveled more and more, as though trying
to turn
herself into something weightless, something easily pocketed in the
moment of
flight. Similarly, she had virtually no possessions; no furniture, no
art
objects, no library. The books, even foreign books, never stayed in her
hands
for long: after being read or glanced through they would be passed on
to
someone else—the way it ought to be with books. In the years of her
utmost
affluence, at the end of the sixties and the beginning of the
seventies, the
most expensive item in her one-room apartment on the outskirts of Moscow
was a cuckoo clock on the kitchen wall. A thief would be disillusioned
here; so
would those with a search warrant.
In
those "affluent" years following the
publication in the West of her two volumes of memoirs* that kitchen
became the
place of veritable pilgrimages. Nearly every other night the best of
what
survived or came to life in the post-Stalin era in Russia
gathered around the long wooden table, which was ten times bigger than
the
bedstead in Pskov. It
almost seemed
that she was about to make up for decades of being a pariah. I doubt,
though,
that she did, and somehow I remember her better in that small room in
Pskov, or
sitting on the edge of a couch in Akhmatova's apartment in Leningrad,
where she
would come from time to time illegally from Pskov, or emerging from the
depth
of the corridor in Shklovsky's apartment in Moscow, where she perched
before
she got a place of her own. Perhaps I remember that more clearly
because there
she was more in her element as an outcast, a fugitive, "the
beggar-friend," as Osip Mandelstam calls her in one of his poems, and
that
is what she remained for the rest of her life.
There is
something quite breathtaking in the realization that she wrote those
two
volumes of hers at the age of sixty-five. In the Mandelstam family it
is Osip
who was the writer; she wasn't. If she wrote anything before those
volumes, it
was letters to her friends or appeals to the Supreme Court. Nor is hers
the
case of someone reviewing a long and eventful life in the tranquillity
of
retirement. Because her
*Translated as Hope Against Hope and Hope
Abandoned (both
published by Atheneum, in 1970 and 1973, and translated by Max Hayward).
sixty-five
years were not exactly normal. It's
not for
nothing that in the Soviet penal system there is a paragraph specifying
that in
certain camps a year of serving counts for three. By this token, the
lives of
many Russians in this century came to approximate in length those of
biblical
patriarchs with whom she had one more thing in common: devotion to
justice.
Yet
it wasn't this devotion to justice alone that made her
sit down at the age of sixty-five and use her time of respite for
writing these
books. What brought them into existence was a recapitulation, on the
scale of
one, of the same process that once before had taken place in the
history of
Russian literature. I have in mind the emergence of great Russian prose
in the
second half of the nineteenth century. That prose, which appears as
though out
of nowhere, as an effect without traceable cause, was in fact simply a
spin-off
of the nineteenth century's Russian poetry. It set the tone for all
subsequent
writing in Russian, and the best work of Russian fiction can be
regarded as a
distant echo and meticulous elaboration of the psychological and
lexical
subtlety displayed by the Russian poetry of the first quarter of that
century.
"Most of Dostoevsky's characters," Anna Akhmatova used to say,
"are aged Pushkin heroes, Onegins and so forth."
Poetry
always precedes prose, and so it did in the life of
Nadezhda Mandelstam, and in more ways than one. As a writer, as well as
a
person, she is a creation of two poets with whom her life was linked
inexorably: Osip Mandelstam and Anna Akhmatova. And not only because
the first
was her husband and the second her lifelong friend. After all, forty
years of
widowhood could dim the happiest memories (and in the case of this
marriage
they were few and far between, if only because this marriage coincided
with the
economic devastation of the country, caused by revolution, civil war,
and the
first five-year plans). Similarly, there were years when she wouldn't
see
Akhmatova at all, and a letter would be the last thing to confide to.
Paper, in
general, was dangerous. What strengthened the bond of that marriage as
well as
of that friendship was a technicality: the necessity to commit to
memory what
could not be committed to paper, i.e., the poems of both authors.
In
doing so in that "pre-Gutenberg epoch," in
Akhmatova's words, Nadezhda Mandelstam certainly wasn't alone. However,
repeating day and night the words of her dead husband was undoubtedly
connected
not only with comprehending them more and more but also with
resurrecting his
very voice, the intonations peculiar only to him, with a however
fleeting
sensation of his presence, with the realization that he kept his part
of that
"for better or for worse" deal, especially its second half. The same
went for the poems of the physically often absent Akhmatova, for, once
set in
motion, this mechanism of memorization won't come to a halt. The same
went for
other authors, for certain ideas, for ethical principles—for everything
that
couldn't survive otherwise.
And
gradually those things grew on her. If there is any
substitute for love, it's memory. To memorize, then, is to restore
intimacy.
Gradually the lines of those poets became her mentality, became her
identity.
They supplied her not only with the plane of regard or angle of vision;
more
importantly, they became her linguistic norm. So when she set out to
write her
books, she was bound to gauge—by that time already unwittingly,
instinctively—her sentences against theirs. The clarity and
remorselessness of
her pages while reflecting the character of her mind, are also
inevitable
stylistic consequences of the poetry that had shaped that mind. In both
their
content and style, her books are but a postscript to the supreme
version of
language which poetry essentially is and which became her flesh through
learning her husband's lines by heart.
To
borrow W. H. Audens phrase, great poetry “hurt” her into
prose. It really did because those two poets’ heritage could be
developed or
elaborated upon only by prose In poetry they could be followed only by
epigones. Which has happened. In other words, Nadezhda Mandelstam's
prose was
the only available medium for the language itself to avoid stagnation.
Similarly, it was the only medium available for the psyche formed-by
those
poets- use of language. Her books, thus, were not so much memoir, and
guides to
the lives of two great poets, however superbly they performed these
functions;
these books elucidated the consciousness of the nation. Of the part of
it, at
least, that could get a copy.
Small
wonder then, that this elucidation results in an
indictment of the system. These two volumes by Mme Mandelstam indeed
amount to
a Day of Judgment on earth for her age and for its literature - a
judgment
administered all the more rightfully since it was this age that had
undertaken
the construction of earthly paradise. A lesser wonder, too that these
memoirs,
the second volume especially, were not liked on either side of the
Kremlin
Wall. The authorities, I must say, were more honest in their reaction
than the
intelligentsia: they simply made possession of these books an offense
punishable by law. As for the intelligentsia especially in Moscow,
it went into actual turmoil over Nadezhda Mandelstam's charges against
many of
its illustrious and not so illustrious members of virtual complicity
with the
regime, and the human flood in her kitchen significantly ebbed.
There
were open and semi-open letters, indignant resolutions
not to shake hands, friendships and marriages collapsing over whether
she was
right or wrong to consider this or that person an informer. A prominent
dissident
declared, shaking his beard: "She shat on our entire generation";
others would rush to their dachas and lock themselves up there, to tap
out
antimemoirs. This was already the beginning of the seventies, and some
six
years later these same people would become equally split over
Solzhenitsyn's
attitude toward the Jews.
There
is something in the consciousness of literati that
cannot stand the notion of someone's moral authority. They resign
themselves to
the existence of a First Party Secretary, or of a Fuhrer, as to a
necessary
evil, but they would eagerly question a prophet. This is so,
presumably,
because being told that you are a slave is less disheartening news than
being
told that morally you are a zero. After all, a fallen dog shouldn't be
kicked.
However, a prophet kicks the fallen dog not to finish it off but to get
it back
on its feet. The resistance to those kicks, the questioning of a
writer's
assertions and charges, come not from the desire for truth but from the
intellectual smugness of slavery. All the worse, then, for the literati
when
the authority is not only moral but also cultural—as it was in Nadezhda
Mandelstam's case.
I'd
like to venture here one step further. By itself reality
isn't worth a damn. It's perception that promotes reality to meaning.
And there
is a hierarchy among perceptions (and, correspondingly, among
meanings), with
the ones acquired through the most refined and sensitive prisms sitting
at the
top. Refinement and sensitivity are imparted to such a prism by the
only source
of their supply: by culture, by civilization, whose main tool is
language. The
evaluation of reality made through such a prism—the acquisition of
which is one
goal of the species—is therefore the most accurate, perhaps even the
most just.
(Cries of "Unfair!" and "Elitist!" that may follow the
aforesaid from, of all places, the local campuses must be left
unheeded, for
culture is "elitist" by definition, and the application of democratic
principles in the sphere of knowledge leads to equating wisdom with
idiocy.)
It's
the possession of this prism supplied to her by the
best Russian poetry of the twentieth century, and not the uniqueness of
the
size of her grief, that makes Nadezhda Mandelstam's statement about her
piece
of reality unchallengeable. It's an abominable fallacy that suffering
makes for
greater art. Suffering blinds deafens, ruins, and often kills. Osip
Mandelstam
was a great poet before the revolution. So was Anna Akhmatova, so was
Marina
Tsvetaeva. They would have become what they became even if none of the
historical events that befell Russia
in this century had taken place: because they were gifted. Basically,
talent
doesn't need history.
Would
Nadezhda Mandelstam have become what she became had it
not been for the Revolution and all the rest that followed? Probably
not, for
she met her future husband in 1919. But the question itself is
immaterial; it
leads us into the murky domains of the law of probability and of
historical
determinism. After all, she became what she became not because of what
took
place in Russia
in this century but rather in spite of it. A casuist's finger will
surely point
out that from the point of view of historical determinism "in spite of
is
synonymous with '"because." So much then for historical determinism,
if it gets so mindful about the semantics of some human "in spite
of."
For
a good reason, though. For a frail woman of sixty-five
turns out to be capable of slowing down, if not averting in the long
run, the
cultural disintegration of a whole nation. Her memoirs are something
more than
a testimony to her times; they are a view of history in the light of
conscience
and culture. In that light history winces, and an individual realizes
his
choice: between seeking that light's source and committing an
anthropological
crime against himself.
She
didn't mean to be so grand, nor did she simply try to
get even with the system. For her it was a private matter, a matter of
her
temperament, of her identity and what had shaped that identity. As it
was, her
identity had been shaped by culture, by its best products: her
husband's poems.
It's them, not his memory, that she was trying to keep alive. It's to
them, and
not to him, in the course of forty-two years that she became a widow.
Of course
she
loved
him, but love itself is the most elitist of passions.
It acquires its stereoscopic substance and perspective only in the
context of
culture, for it takes up more space in the mind than it does in the
bed.
Outside of that setting it falls flat into one-dimensional fiction. She
was a
widow to culture, and I think she loved her husband more at the end
than on the
day they got married. That is probably why readers of her books find
them so
haunting. Because of that, and because the status of the modem world
vis-à-vis
civilization also can be defined as widowhood.
If
she lacked anything, it was humility. In that respect she
was quite unlike her two poets. But then they had their art, and the
quality of
their achievements provided them with enough contentment to be, or to
pretend
to be, humble. She was terribly opinionated, categorical, cranky,
disagreeable,
idiosyncratic; many of her ideas were half-baked or developed on the
basis of
hearsay. In short, there was a great deal of one-upwomanship in her,
which is
not surprising given the size of the figures she was reckoning with in
reality
and later in imagination. In the end, her intolerance drove a lot of
people
away, but that was quite all right with her, because she was getting
tired of
adulation, of being liked by Robert McNamara and Willy Fisher (the real
name of
Colonel Rudolf Abel). All she wanted was to die in her bed, and, in a
way, she
looked forward to dying, because "up there I'll again be with Osip."
"No," replied Akhmatova, upon hearing this. "You've got it all
wrong. Up there it's now me who is going to be with Osip."
Her
wish came true, and she died in her bed. Not a small
thing for a Russian of her generation. There undoubtedly will surface
those who
will cry that she misunderstood her epoch, that she lagged behind the
train of
history running into the future. Well, like nearly every other Russian
of her
generation, she learned only too well that that train running into the
future
stops at the concentration camp or at the gas chamber. She was lucky
that she
missed it, and we are lucky that she told us about its route. I saw her
last on May 30, 1972,
in that
kitchen of hers, in Moscow.
It
was late afternoon, and she sat, smoking, in the corner,
in the deep shadow cast by the tall cupboard onto the wall. The shadow
was so
deep that the only things one could make out were the faint flicker of
her
cigarette and the two piercing eyes. The rest—her smallish shrunken
body under
the shawl, her hands, the oval of her ashen face, her gray, ashlike
hair—all
were consumed by the dark. She looked like a remnant of a huge fire,
like a
small ember that burns if you touch it.
Joseph
Brodsky
1981