1956: Paris
CRUEL INTENTIONS
Ý
Độc
In normal doses, fear, indispensable
to action and thought, stimulates our senses and our mind; without it,
no action at all. But when it is excessive, when it invades and overwhelms
us, fear is transformed into a harmful principle, into cruelty. A man
who trembles dreams of making others tremble, a man who lives in terror
ends his days in ferocity. Hence the case of the Roman emperors. Anticipating
their own murders, they consoled themselves by massacres ... The discovery of a first conspiracy
awakened and released in them the monster. And it was into cruelty that
they withdrew in order to forget fear.
But we, ordinary mortals who cannot permit ourselves
the luxury of being cruel to others-it is upon ourselves, upon our flesh
and our minds that we must exercise and indeed exorcise our terrors.
The tyrant in us trembles; he must act, discharge his rage, take revenge;
and it is upon ourselves that he does so. So decides the modesty of our
condition. Amid our terrors, more than one of us evokes a Nero who, lacking
an empire, would have had only his own conscience to persecute.
E.M. Cioran, from “The Temptation
to Exist”. Born in Transylvania in 1911, the misanthropic philosopher was
a youthful supporter of 1930s political strongmen. "In Romania," he wrote
to a friend, "only terror, brutality, and an infinite anxiety could still
lead to some change." He moved to France in 1937, thereafter using Romanian
primarily for cursing; he found French inadequate for this purpose. "Sometimes
I ask myself if it really was me who wrote these ravings they quote,"
he wrote in 1973.
He died in Paris in 1995
Với liều lượng bình
thường, sự sợ hãi, không thể thiếu được trong hành
động, trong ý nghĩ, bởi là vì nó chích
1 phát vào cảm quan, vào tâm trí của chúng
ta. Nhưng 1 khi chơi 1 liều cực nặng, là bỏ mẹ!
Khi đó sợ hãi biến thành 1 nguyên lý
gây hại, hay nói thẳng ra ở đây, nó biến thành
độc ác, tàn nhẫn. Một người run rẩy những giấc mơ làm
cho người khác run rẩy, một người sống trong khiếp sợ, người đó
chấm dứt những ngày của hắn ta trong độc ác…
Note: GCC tự hỏi, cái sự độc ác, tàn nhẫn, cái
gì gì, “vô cảm” của người dân xứ Mít,
như báo chí trong nước hàng ngày cho thấy,
liệu có phải là do sống thường trực trong khủng bố, trong
ghê rợn, với cái thứ luật rừng của lũ Vẹm?
There is nothing strange about fear: no matter in what guise it presents
itself it is something with which we are all so familiar that when a man
appears who is without it we are at once enslaved by him.
-Henry Miller, 1938
"You should beware of two things about a woman: her hair and her tears."
God knows why my grandfather told my
father that.
He muttered prayers to himself as he
fingered three of his worry beads, then continued, "Her hair will chain you
and her tears will drown you!"
Another three beads, another three
prayers, and then: "That's why it's imperative they cover up their hair and
their faces!"
He said this on the day my father decided
to take a second wife. My mother wept-and then her face once again assumed
its mask of fear.
My grandmother used to say that my mother was born with a terrified face,
and it was the face I was used to. Whenever someone met her for the first
time, they'd assume she was scared of them.
I couldn't understand what it was exactly that made her appear so frightened.
Was it because her face looked so drawn and thin? Or because of the dark
circles under her eyes? Or because her mouth turned down at the corners?
If my mother ever smiled, she would smile between the two deep lines cut
into her face like the brackets around a sentence; if she ever cried, she
would cry between brackets. In fact, she lived her whole life between brackets
...
But one day the brackets vanished.
The terrified mask dropped from her face. And then a few months later, my
father took a second wife. No one asked why, because even if some one had
dared to ask, my father would never have answered.
My father had no interest whatsoever
why my mother always looked so frightened. He couldn't have, otherwise how
could he have lived alongside a woman who always looked terrified? Truth
is, my father never loved my mother at all, he just fucked her. He'd get
on top of her in the dark, close his eyes ... and get on with it.
But what happened the day the fear
vanished from my mother's face to make my father think about taking another
wife? Probably my father needed a woman to be scared of him in order to get
turned on. And the day my mother stopped being terrified of having sex, my
father’s desire vanished. So he had to get himself another wife. A younger
wife who'd still scared of sex.
And maybe the day my mother lost her fear having sex was the first time she
ever enjoy it. The first and last time.
But it wasn't long before she put her frightened mask back on. This time
not because she was scared of having sex, but because she was terrified he'd
leave her.
Tonight, lonelier than ever, my brave mother has placed her frightened
face behind the street door while she waits for me to come home.
Her worn-out hands, free at night to be raised to beg God's mercy, recite
the prayer for safe return.
Atiq Rahimi, from A Thousand
Rooms of Dream and Fear. In 2013 the Afghan-born writer an filmmaker - who
in 1984 fled to France to escape the Soviet coup in his home country - gave
an address in Edinburgh about whether literature should be political. ''I
remember that when Soviets were in Afghanistan, a brilliant saying from Poland
was used by intellectuals, " said Rahimi. ''It went: 'If you want to survive,
don't think. If you think, don't talk. If you talk, don't write. If you write,
don't sign it. If you sign it don't be surprised!"